Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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