Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
