I didn't shave. On purpose
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
