i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
