I can't watch pbs sober anymore
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
