I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
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the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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