He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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