Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
