At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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