so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
