the new term for farting is butt boxing.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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