Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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