omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
