am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
