I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
