No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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