Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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