Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
