gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
