I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
