nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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