why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
