My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
