just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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