and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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