his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
