That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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