My liver just broke up with me...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
