Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
