what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
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You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
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At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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