You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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