I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Im part way to drunk.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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