Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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