she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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