when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
