You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
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I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
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I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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