she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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