M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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