matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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