Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
