I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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