Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
