I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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