someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
