first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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