Your face is a jimmy john
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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