we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
