his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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