This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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