You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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