You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
