wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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