Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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