But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
