; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I wish i was in the wii world.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
