8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
