He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
