How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Randomize
