WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
