dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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