Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
