What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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