strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I love you. Go after that dick
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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