All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
