i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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