I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
