I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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