after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
