went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It's never too late to be topless.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
