so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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