Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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