I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
