But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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